Songs to Play at my Funeral

This is a fun, clever one (if I do say so myself). In my previous job I travelled quite a bit and would often find myself bored in a random hotel room in a small town or city. This particular two or three day trip to the midwest started the first night with me falling asleep listening to a new(er) album by an artist by Mark Kozelek. Well sort of. It’s his side project Sun Kil Moon. Side Note: I hadn’t realized until this writing that the album, titled Benji, was actually a reference to the movie Benji from the 70’s about a cute, lovable dog. Side, side note: This movie holds a special place in my heart because it is one of the few moments of true selfless, kindness that I ever witnessed from my dad. On this day in the 70’s, I went on his monthly route with him where he would go up and down the north state of California and visit butcher shops and small town grocery stores. He would sharpen the knives that the butchers used and he would sell them new knives to replenish their stock as well. I remember he had a very cool 3 or 4 foot long bag that he would roll out and display all the latest greatest knives in his current collection. The bag was like a leather satchel lined with felt inside and had a “belt” on each end that sounded so cool when he undid the buckle and rolled out his newest inventory to the small town onlookers and prospective buyers. Dad was a great salesperson, I will give him that. We stayed the night somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Weed, Ca. or somewhere like that. This particular night he took me to watch the movie Benji in the theater and then we went to a Mexican restaurant, where he had a Mariachi band play me Happy Birthday (I forgot to mention it was my birthday). It was one of the rare times I felt like he truly loved me and felt he enjoyed the moment as much as I did.

But, I digress….Fast forward to 2016 (ish) and me going to sleep with my headphones on in some midwestern town, listening to Sun Kil Moon’s new album, Benji. Kozelek has a very unique songwriting style and can be a little monotone in his delivery. He can sometimes find a very sweet melody, but often times will “speak” his lyrics vs singing them. If you want to get to know him, listen to Ghosts of the Great Highway and if you are really short on time just listen to the track Carry Me Ohio. It encapsulates his style from dry monotone delivery to sweet melody. This particular album Benji, is extremely personal to Kozelek and focuses on mortality. So it is heavy thematically, and another commentary on his style, he writes very literal with little room for imagination or creative license.

But, I digress….Fast forward to night two after having fallen asleep to this rather deep and mostly dark album the night before. I wasn’t sleepy and the all night marathon of Forensic Files on HLN wasn’t doing it for me. I picked up my iPad and fired up GarageBand. My idea? I wanted to chronicle my experience listening to the album from the night before, down to the time on the clock when I pressed play, to the start time of each subsequent track. You will notice for example the first track is around 7 minutes long and my lyrics say 11:01 for the first track description and 11:08 for the start of the second song. I also wanted to come up with one line to explain each track and my interpretation of each track as I fell into a deeper sleep. Interesting to note that track 7 of the album is titled “I Love My Dad” and my lyrical interpretation is “mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm”, because I guess I had nothing of substance to add to that. Yet, another fun side effect of journaling these songs/ideas: Analyzing my headspace when I wrote it.

But again, I digress: If you have the time (and I wouldn’t expect you to) you should listen to each track on the Benji album (it’s a great listen) and then see how my (single line) lyrics line up with the particular music and lyrical content of his songs. Last point I will make is that I wanted to record this in his style of songwriting. A little monotone, very literal and with a bit of melody where I could place it. A feeble attempt? Perhaps. Swing and a miss? Maybe. Do I care? The older I get, not so much. Just pleased I did something creative with my time on this one night in a small town in the midwest somewhere.

Here are the lyrics for Falling Asleep to Benji:

I took a sleeping pill tonight just to close my eyes
I fall asleep listening to the prose of Mark Kozelek
Ok, I took two pills (or more), so please excuse my lies
The pills wear off, so I press play again… fade to black

11:01 Guitar plays, Carissa 35, she died today
11:08 More guitars, Mother’s Love, I dreamt of stars
11:12 The bass notes play, A lazy verse, more sad to say
11:16 He says fuck, thought this was about dogs, but he said fuck
11:21 I’m drifting off now, the song is so sad, that I don’t know how
11:25 Electric Piano, Jim Wise mercy killing, who knows
11:28 mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
11:34 The strings wake me up, I like Mark Kozelek, but he just won’t shut up
11:44 A song about a serial killer seeping into my subconscious as a continue to slip away
11:49 Nightmares quieted by the sound of Micheline and storytime
11:55 Good night Ben, Mark and the waking world until daylight….comes again.

Link to the Benji album and Sun Kil Moon should you be interested in a worm hole…. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benji_(album).

Link to the Benji film referenced in the story above: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benji_(1974_film)