Songs to Play at my Funeral

This one is personal to me for sure and apologies to my wife ahead of time for being the protagonist in this story, but it is truly a positive part of my progression in my ability to write lyrics that are specific to what is going on in my life at any given snapshot in time. Let’s call it “Cathartic Poetry.”

On this particular evening Mike and I were in the office/recording studio at our place on Crosscourt Way in Elk Grove. We were messing around as usual just trying to find something to try to record on our shitty little 4 track. We were looking at chord structures of songs to determine, what can we play all the way through while avoiding any difficult chords that would get us into trouble? We came across Hotel California by the Eagles. A very recognizable and listenable song that is fun to sing along to as well. With the exception of a an F chord (a challenging bar of the first fret and 3 other fingers also had a role to play up the neck of the fretboard), it was a song that had a very reasonable series of chords that we could play while trying to sing along to it. We would just grin and bear that damn F chord. So we proceeded to press Play/Record and take a few stabs at the song. I will fully admit it was not our best work (in fact, Candy and More Than This in the prior post might have been our finest “compositions”). However, it was still a continuation of our pursuit of a good time finding new ways to challenge ourselves to get better at this skill. It was a fun, memorable night.

On this particular night, Heather was out of the house and came home sometime between us setting up the mic’s and recording and us calling it a night and shutting down. I think we have 3 or 4 versions of the song somewhere on tape, but I have never converted it to digital format and probably for good reason. To be clear, it wasn’t great. However, after Mike left and I closed the front door, Heather made some comment (and I can’t remember the exact words) that was basically, “what the heck were you guys doing in there?”. It goes without saying, that did not give me a ton of confidence that I was making any progress in my ability as a musical artist. It was clear she didn’t like what she heard and while I know she did not intend for it to be a cutting remark, but rather just a more flippant humorous remark, the fact is, it was cutting and stung me a bit. However, to her credit, she was very astute. It wasn’t great. I want to be perfectly clear, that I know she meant no real harm and was just being honest/funny when she heard two (probably inebriated) friends singing and playing a song they had no business at that point trying to attempt to sound like they knew what they were doing.

Not sure if it was that night or the next night, but I wrote the following song and promptly picked up the guitar and recorded it as I heard it in my head. While it was intentionally a song pointed at her, as I re-read these lyrics now many years later I realize it is likely an introspective song that speaks to my own insecurities and my boyhood dream of being a musician. All of the criticisms that I am accusing Heather of in this song, I think are actually self inflicted accusations of my own abilities. I know I am always apologizing for my musical abilities, but the fact is at this stage, I think that is what this song is about and I have always “blamed” Heather for the cutting element of the message, even though it is a song about how I feel about myself. In other words, I owe Heather an apology after all these years.

Rock Star

I know you think that I’m just ok
Singing songs about yesterday
I know you think that I play ok
Behind the door and far away

I can be a dreamer
A rock star and a child
A real life daydreamer
Young man lost in the wild

I know you think that I’m way too loud
Sitting high upon this cloud
I know you think I’m way off key
Sometimes baby I wish you’d see

that….

I can be a dreamer
A rock star and a child
A real life daydreamer
Young man lost in the wild